JO's Maze

第一天

2011-09-19T17:48:00.001+08:00

正式迈入24后的第一天，
反思自己20后的生活、目标及未来。
结果却让自己陷入思潮漩涡；
越想就越像陷入流沙，挣扎了越陷越深、平静最终也无法得到救助；
越想就越低落，我的一生将会是怎样？
其实也明白，没有人知道明天会怎样，
但为什么，我连自己明天要什么也不知道呢？
或许有人会说：你太懦弱了！你想太多了！你吃不了苦啦！
是的，没错。
多多少少这样的因素。
道理我懂，但有谁能把这些道理原原本本的应用呢？ Only God knows.

有时我也不知道，是时间不够用？还是我给自己的藉口？
总是在放工后，累得无法再思考、再将“想”化为行动。
实在点说，我handle不来现在的生活。
这种无法喘气的生活方式，
我剩下的只有工作、吃饭、睡觉，而上网则成了小小的娱乐。

想离开了，
离开我现在的生活，
然后在新的地方展开新的生活。

离开，大概是我24年来，做得最正确的决定吧！
Wish me luck!

洁癖

2011-08-15T23:40:00.002+08:00

很多人说，我不太像处女座的。
我其实也认同。
但今天我觉得我找到了我的处女作特征——洁癖，
嘿，此洁癖并非房间要多整齐，东西要多干净，
而是，名誉上的洁癖，
我非常痛恨别人用我的名字捣蛋、作怪、无中生有。
讨厌别人随意为我的名留下污点。

明明没有的事，就算开玩笑也该有限度吧？
说我败家、邋遢、上厕所不洗手、像疯婆子等等等，都比不上这个所谓的“玩笑”咯！
更惨的是，这一点都不好笑！

有的人就是管不住自己的嘴巴，得空没事就拿别人的私事开刀。
（更糟的是，还要亲口对我“浩练”）

原来

2011-08-05T23:28:00.002+08:00

原来自己是那么样的一个人，
我今天才被点醒。
怎样的人？
常半途而废的人，
直到今天我才知道。

小时候，
Organ、钢琴、乐理、声乐、演讲，
大一点，
美术、设计、广告、幼教，
其实，我从没察觉，
这都是专业领域，
但我只略懂皮毛。

有人说：你看起来不像会拖拖拉拉的。
有人说：你应该是那种有目标就冲的人吧？
有人说：会这样犹豫，不像你咧……

其实，怎样才是我？
我也不知道啊！
如果要我说吧，
我是一个没有目标、没有毅力、
什么也没有的人吧！

失败。

。回来。

2011-08-03T18:50:00.002+08:00

一年了……
没写一年了……
这一年，
好的坏的都发生了，
所以最近我想回来了。

没变的时我还在迷宫中行走，
找不到出口，
但说真的，
我喜欢慢慢看着风景，
吹着风，
微笑着观察一切地走。

最近因为一些胡闹，
反而触动了敏感的神经。
胡思乱想了起来。
我知道，
这样下去，
将会是草木皆兵。
所以我要克制自己，
保持冷静，
保持清醒。

那我的心还会是我的。

Office....

2010-07-30T16:45:00.002+08:00

I'm now sitting in the office, alone.
I had never been so free since I started working here three weeks ago.
And THIS IS BORED.
OK, I know, I'm being crappy...
Ciao~~

未来

2010-07-28T18:55:00.004+08:00

现在的我，最敏感的字眼就是 — 未来。
很久以前，这是个让我期待的词，不知怎么的，现在他成为我最大的负担与烦恼。
虽然，未来无法预料（这是大家都知道的事实），但它让我无法呼吸，我连梦都不敢梦。
我不知道是不是每个人都会有迷失方向的时候，但为什么我迷失的特别久？
我其实很想有目标的，谁不想有？但就是没有个可以让我豁出去的目标嘛……
如果这是别人能替我决定的，我也不会烦恼啦！

当我渐渐开始有点头绪的时候，大家似乎又不太支持。
那些无关紧要的人，又出言间接酸我，说什么我家有钱。
真是的，你以为我想要这样的吗？能选的话，我也想现在就有一份好工作。
就是知道了自己不适合广告那行，才想转的嘛……再者，我还是很喜欢广告，我学的东西是不会浪费的，别人也抢不了。
我知道，我想要再读书，可能会花多一点时间，但总好过不开心地做一份不适合自己的工作一辈子吧？我是有私心想圆自己一个大学梦，甚至是硕士梦，但没有要我父母负责我全部的花费。

听到这种鸟话我是真的很委屈，我并没有想要我的生活是这样，如果能，我也想要骄傲的说：我现在怎样，未来的计划将是怎样怎样的。有谁愿意生活没目标？我又不是脑袋吃草。

如果单单想而已，天上就能掉下“目标”的话，我早有了！唉…… 总觉得我窝囊透了。

Updates...

2010-02-18T14:33:00.007+08:00

As my blog is so dead, i'll just do some updates here...

I'm officially the kindergarten's supervisor now, and doing quite, just that these few days have serious coughing.

Oh, and my hair grew longer. ^^

And my sis is back from Taiwan for CNY, but she's going back soon...

Cute William is in Malaysia again... He's now 3 years old... Time really flew huh?

For his younger photo click here. ^^

This time he really speaks a lot, with the accent, and the funny part is when my aunt speaks American English to him, he tried to correct her English to British English... (E.g. Plant, can't and etc.) But he's kinda confuse now. LOL. Cute.

My beloved 3rd aunt passed away few days ago. Whom you can always heard me talking about and whom took care of me a lot when I was in SS2. I believe she'll be watching over us now.

May she RIP.

SHOPPING!!

2009-12-06T23:17:00.004+08:00

It has been a long time I did not shopping...
I mean GIRL shopping,
OK, maybe WOMAN shopping when it came to shop with mom.
(Miss those days shopping with my mates...)
Anyhow, you know la,
shopping with your mates is nothing like shopping with your mates.
*wink*
So... since I work I bought something for myself.
Last time was sunnies.
This time is a pair of shoes.
I know, I know,
buying a pair of shoe for yourself is not a big deal,
but this time the price do make some different...
The shoe is the most expensive I ever bought....
Teeheehee...

A sunnies just right for me,
my cheek and my nose bridge are kinda unusual...
so... hehe...
it's very hard to buy a comfortable and right sunnies...

It's a very comfortable flat. ^^

Although the price is ehem... but I love it...

Like the red.

Don't you think it's pretty?

LOL

OK, that's all.

Toodles~

2009-12-05T13:18:00.002+08:00

After a month and few days...
I'm back!
Now I really can say my blog is half-dead...
Not that I don't want to blog,
just that I don't have time online...
at least not in the kindie.
Soon or later I'm going to get a portable,
so at night I can online...
really beh-tahan I can't online often,
it doesn't sound like me...
Haha...

Still up at late night 4 a.m.

2009-10-18T03:49:00.002+08:00

Having some trouble sleeping nowdays.
Thinking about my future,
and the next step I should take.
"If you were me, what would you do?"
The answers I got from my close friends are:
"Damn it! Just take the job!!!",
"At least you try, no doubt it's a chance, but once you let go of advertising, it's hard to get back.",
" What kinda life do you want? The normal one? or something slightly challenging and glamourous?",
" You wanna boyfriend or husband or not?? If you are staying there, you only can be a mistress!"
OK, this is what I get from my parents.
My dad said "Go to study 1st la, when I can still pay for you."
My mom said "Think of what you want, as long as you are happy."

The thing I struggle so much is that I want a life that will not bore me.
Staying with kids is talking kinda childishly, i think. I don't get to talk to people that are around my age or I should say ADULT, not non, but not enough.
Yea, I know dealing with adult is harder than kids, but I'm kinda tired and bored when I'm working alone.

Somewhere inside be begin to dissapear. The fashion-concern MOI, I still bought mags monthly, but the thing is I seldom read them anymore, I missed that a lot! I love mags and fashion, but I don't get to wear them in kindie! So what for I'm concern about the fashion?? I'm only wearing t-shirts and long pants (sometimes skirts) working in the kindie. The fun of dressing up everyday to work (OK, my intern was only 3 months, but I do have fun wearing different clothes everyday!), and the air-con are gone. Oh, and entertainment maybe. G-O-N-E, GONE!

I know this should not be the main point considering to take the job or not, but that is part of me already.

In the other hand, it's very hard to get a job nowadays. Plus, working in kindie saves me a lot of money, coz I have no need of paying my trasportation, food, accomodation... and criticizingly, attire. If I'm going to get an advertising job, then I'll spent all the salary I has to these...

As I said earlier, dealing with kids is easier, because they are naive, the worst they can be is jumping all around like a monkey, and talk back to you. But in the adult world, it's not like this. I know, I know. I'm quite a simple person that always trust people easily, and in the end kena. But what the heck, everybody kena before, right? There are bit*hs all around.

OK, I have to stop thinking about it for today. Pretty tired.

I hate to make decisions, and I'm bad at it.

A day that doesn't go quite well...

2009-09-23T19:38:00.002+08:00

DANG!!!

That's the only word I say.

The poor dog, Lucky got complained of barking for few days in the night,
and the neighbours said we are abusing the dog for tying him up long hours...
Lucky refuses to eat and drink.
And his back leg is on his back this evening, because the rope tanggles.

Few kids puke and shit on pants today... don't know why.
Maybe some virus spreading??

Haiz... I feel tired today.

*My new Nokia 5800 has being stolen, and I have trouble taking out my phone in front of the people now. I feel so insecure, and don't really have mood to work here.*

An unusually lonely Birthday?

2009-09-17T14:48:00.003+08:00

In my past birthday, there used to have my friends or family with me. Or even worst EXAM. But now, I'm like stuck in the Kindie and always with the children.

I thought everything would be same, but suprisingly it wasn't. My sweet children remembered my birthday... I've only mentioned once, when they were playing "masak-masak" last week, they "built" me a block bday cake, and sang me a bday song. So I went: " My bday is next Thursday, sing me a song next week yea..." That's all. Then today, when I went up to the class, they jump up and down singing bday song and shouting "Suprise!" For one moment, I'm touched. Just one moment, the rest of the time, I still have to nag them, as always... Hehe...

Another embarassing thing is, a parent of my kid, bought me a little cake and a present. It is SO SO SO paiseh... as if I beg for that by telling them my birthday... Haiz.... that's the only thing that I feel so wrong.

I miss my family and my friends at this moment... I've been living a life without much communication with friends for quite some time, and today, I freaking miss them... I even miss the EXAM birthday... hahaha....

Back from Taiwan...

2009-08-07T14:37:00.002+08:00

That was two days ago...
and until today, finally I am online...
Haha...
Yeap... Back to the working life asap...
and I'm tired like hell...
yesterday I had a really long sleep,
from 8pm till today morning 6.45 am.
and the day before yesterday I had a hangout with my friends till 2 am.
Honestly, that was tiring...
Oh ya...
Pictures from Taiwan... coming soon... as soon I got my mouse...
So lazy to post them.

Convo tomorrow...
a bit nervous... don't know why... but no excitement... don't doubt
hopefully everything will be fine tomorrow,
and no rubbish speech...

K, till then.

SICK

2009-07-22T22:53:00.002+08:00

Yea... flu... headache... BUT, it's not influenza A.
Haha... Just the normal flu, still I'm afraid it will get worst,
because I'm leaving Malaysia in another 35 hours...
Bless me....

My blog now is like D-E-A-D... sorry... being a kindie teacher does not have much to blog.
Yet, my Taiwan trip is coming, I am surely bloging lots of pictures from next time onwards.
Wait for me... and ki-dae-juseyo~~

OK... gotta sleep... annyoung~

Finally EXPLODED!!!

2009-06-30T14:19:00.002+08:00

Yes, my anger...
I always said that I don't want to be a teacher,
one of the reason is that I have bad temper,
and especially lack of patience.

During the month, I've been enduring with the kids emo and nonsense.
OK, sometimes of course they are cute, and most of the time they really are,
just that, when it comes to me, I'm the only teacher that they are dare to bully.
And today is even worst!!!

There are certain reasons:
1. I have problem having a quality sleep, and feel sleepy since yesterday
2. It's hazy here, the air makes me so uncomfortable, especially throat
3. Some thing's wrong with my nose, I can't really smell things
4. There's 2 kids continuously crying for the whole morning, and my mind is in a tumult.

Then, during tuition, the 7 kids talking here and there, walking here and there, running here and there, jumping here and there.... Totally ignoring my words and if you were me, will you yell at them? Whatever your answer is, I did YELL at them. And made a kid stand at the corner looking at the wall.

Yup, I'm really really angry, and I repeated the rules I told them the first day I officially take over the class. OK, one of them is this "When doing homework, absolute silence is required". But they are always talking and complaining a lot!! It's way more than a lot, it's like every second, no kidding!

My problem included that THEY ARE NOT AFFRAID OF ME! So, they don't have discipline. Hey, people, am I so friendly? I don't think so. Am I so easy to be bullied? No, not when I'm in high school and uni, but why now??

ARRGGHH!!! Kids.... are both angels and devils.

I'm so going to see when is the next explosion of my anger. Hopefully there will not be one... really. I feel sorry and guilty yelling at kids, they doesn't know much yet in this world right? They are still innocent and naive, but sometimes devil-ly lack of discipline.

The good thing is, I reallize that I'm not that impatient, you see. A month.... I thought the second week I'll be killing someone already, but nop, till today, four weeks....

ON FIRE!

2009-06-29T19:10:00.002+08:00

First of all, my blog seems dead... no new post, no replies... and that is B.A.D.!

OK, back to the topic, on fire! Yea... Me...

I'm so frustrated that I have to book the air ticket again and again...

irritatingly(is there a word like this? but, whatever) annoying!

Not their fault but my dad's card. So... no offensive. Just want to express my feeling...

Haha...

On the other hand, my life's good here, working at the kindergarden,

and it gets better and better.

But I started to feel that my throat is going to explode anytime,

finally there's a day for me.

(As those who knows me since well, you know that even I sing for hours, that's no way it happens. Even when cheering, it doesn't happened too.)

I'm suffering insomnia yesterday for no reason,

and it kills me today...

I feel exhausted, but in the morning, I feel that I'm more hyper than I ever did... LOL

but what the heck.

I need to sleep! And I can sleep in the next second... seriously...

Oh yeah! I moved out from SS2 last weekend.

And I don't even feel anything.

Weird.

But surely my dear friends, I'm going to miss yall much!!! Really much!!!

Hopefully I'll have time to meet yall soon~!

OK, that's for now, I think that my blog will be dead for another 1 week...

Hehe *blush*

Feels like S*IT!

2009-06-23T19:46:00.002+08:00

Yea... really feels like shit today... especially TODAY!

When Lynn and I are on the way to Kinderworld,
a huge lorry almost bang on us...

When we reach school,
we are being inform that the supervisor's car has broke down,
so that she could not make it today.

When teaching my kids (2-3 years old),
they lost control...
climbing chairs, walking here and there...

When tuitioning (5-6 years old),
the kids are noisy, and like monkey jumping here and there,
and two of them was really slow...
one is talkative, and one is always being distracted by the others.

When it comes to the nap time,
the kids (daycare kids) don't listen to me,
keep playing and talking...
the worst is... I'm already tired and really wants to sleep!

When comes to the TV time,
boys are not interested in singing and dancing...
and girls are not interested in Tom and Jerry...
Then they are busy talking...

Why do kids have to be so different than yesterday?
They are so fine yesterday!!
Is it because of today is Tuesday??
The day that is far far away from the weekend?
Or just because the supervisor is not around??

Oh god, please don't let this happen anymore,
I can't stand it,
and I really feel like S*IT!
and boxing the kids...
*Cries*

Finally back to my blog world...

2009-06-09T13:37:00.003+08:00

Well, it's not too long I left, but I feel so... Hahaha!

Almost two weeks of kindergarden "teacher" life, I feel like dying...
not because of the children, but more to the long working hour,
it's kind of hard to get used to it.

Here's the schedule of my day... the childrens' holiday schedule...

6.00 am - Wake up (Bath, breakfast, and some reading while waiting)
7.15 am - Go out from my aunt's home
8.00 am - Start listening to the childrens' reading
9.30 am - Snack time
10.00 am - Children's outdoor time (The children always have a lot of complaining like "Teacher... you see whoever said/do that to me/whoever..." It'll never end...)
10.30 am - Circle time (Seriously walking on a circle, and that is kinda cool, haha! And sing songs)
11.00 am - Arts and Craft
11.45 am - Lunch (Disaster! Children just don't like to eat as much as the like to play, and they are so picky... and imagine the food are all around, and all over themselves. Hmm....)
12.30 pm - Bath
1.00 pm - Free Time (Playing toys)
1.30 pm - Nap time for children (I'll look at them from 3-4pm, and it always makes me sleepy)
4.30 pm - Tea time
5.00 pm - Outdoor/Toys (Depends on the weather, especially it's so hazy nowadays)
5.30 pm - Educational TV (Sometimes some classic cartoon like Tom and Jerry, and yesterday was the best, Popeye. Can you imagine, that I have not watched that for zillion years, haha!)
7.00 pm - Dinner and back to aunt's house (If I'm allowed, sometimes the parents just leave their children here till 8.30pm - it's the latest I've been waiting for)

Honestly, I'm not those kind that have unlimited patience and not the kind whose ambition is teaching, all the time - NO and NEVER, but believe it or not, now I do consider. Just that this is not my interest yet, I'm always still feeling weird here, and unhappy about some children that does not obey that much (I mean, I do understand that there is no perfert obedience, but at least some disipline, that when you talk, you feel that you are being respected. Well, now, I still do not feel that, maybe because of experience is needed?).

Yet, there are cute childrens that you will accidentally love them more than the others (at least for me, LOL, this is bad anyway, don't learn, I'm trying to keep that unnoticed, hehe). I have to admit that I like children, and I was a KING OF THE CHILDREN. Haha... Just because of that, I think I'm too nice to the children here, sometimes, I'm just not that powerful as the other teacher, and I feel like I'm a BIG CHILD teaching a bunch of SMALL KIDS. That is definitely a bad bad thing, which I would like to play darts, dough, toys with them (Laugh, never mind). But what you can't understand is that, children nowadays unlike how we used to be. I have a kid that speak really mature (Imagine a 6-year-old boy said "My daddy said as a human we have to XXX..." and much much more...), I think that is sad, well, kids should be naive, and even childish, and only now he can do that (I do not mean that we can't be naive now, but childish?? Imagine me saying, "Teacher, he bully me~!" and the cry. *roll eyes* that is disgusting!) But this fits to the children right? Even when sometimes you don't like them to do that much often, but you have to admit that, sometimes it's cute.

What I've learned here? Deal with kids. Talk childish (OK, maybe sometimes not). Be energetic (when you see them, "whatever" when you don't). Soft but firm (Yeah, I know what I'm saying).

不喜欢

2009-05-07T19:31:00.002+08:00

不喜欢聚餐后，独自一个人回到自己的窝。

不喜欢路途中，遇到一班人问自己要干嘛。

不喜欢装傻，当着自己赶时间、很忙。

不喜欢敷衍的邀约，然后敷衍的拒绝。

不喜欢那个爱打破沙锅问到底的我，总是让人不耐烦。

不喜欢那个脑子想也不像就问问题的我，让我说了又很后悔。

不喜欢那个得到别人宽恕，还要拼命挽回的我。

不喜欢那个说了不该说的话的我，还要别人大量的原谅我。

不喜欢的到原谅了，还拿一副表情的我。

不喜欢那个拉不下面子的我，说：我想去。

不喜欢那个总是跟大家格格不入的我，却总是装着没事。

不喜欢那个逞强的我，骗自己：我很好，就算一个人也很好。

你知道吗？我真的决的自己很有问题。

总是要强地装着一切都很好，

却又耐不住寂寞的在想，

这是不是我的问题。

你又知道吗？我我真的不喜欢自己这样。

或许有一天我会崩溃，

在我失去一切，转头，

却看不到任何一个人的时候。

人间有情，是不是太残忍了？

是的，情，

太残忍、太伤人。

或许也因它的残忍，

才显出它的璀璨夺目。

其实，一切将会是我咎由自取。

给你，我亲爱的朋友

2009-04-30T22:16:00.011+08:00

---- “爱情本身就是一种神经官能症，一旦患上，连猫和鱼都会相爱。” 橘子《猫爱上幸福，鱼怎么会知道》

我承认我生气，气你忘了我这好朋友的存在，把心事都收着，独自一个人承受。也气近来他对你的霸占，让我觉的自己真的很不被需要，甚至在这个家是透明的。所以我选择沉默。

可我更气的是，身为你好朋友的我，看不出你的心事，也看不出你的异样，过着吃吃睡睡，糜烂颓废的生活。所以我流泪。

直到今天你的表白，让我心碎，并不是可怜，也不时同情，是替你觉得无奈、无助、无可救药，和无比的可惜 ---- 可惜你不是你心里想当的人。你我都知道你想当的人，并不是后天可改造的，一切只能怪命运，作弄人。

虽然我不清楚你们之间的事，又不清楚是什么让你踩入这陷阱，我想给你两个字:

缘 ---- 一切随缘。在对的时间遇到对的人，是一生幸福；在对的时间遇到错的人，是一次偶遇；在错的时间遇到对的人，是一声叹息；在错的时间遇到错的人，是一生荒唐。是合是分不是你我决定的。我想信缘分，也相信命运。而你呢？

恕 ---- 不要执着。如果你们没有办法在一起，要原谅他，原谅上天给你带来这伤害，然后慢慢放开、放手。这是人生必走之路，你注定和别人走不一样的路，因为你是特别的。

我不是个感性的人，你也不是。在很多情况下，我们都比被人难流泪、难哭泣，有泪也把它往心里流，或独自在被窝里偷偷哭泣。我不是个爱哭的人，你也不是。在很多情况下，我们都可以用自己心里所坚持的坚强去跨国重重障碍，把事情看得很开。或许因为这样，遇上自己没法跨越的，我们会比任何人更脆弱。可，我都选择用“唠叨、啰里啰唆”的方式抒发，而，你都选择“看在眼里，收在心底”的方式藏起来。这回，你收得起来吗？

虽然你很坚强，亦或者这是你佯装起来的坚强，面对这件事，看着你，我忍不住泪水，忍不住颤抖，忍不住心疼、心碎……即使，我的泪水、颤抖、心疼和心碎，无法帮助你度过这一切。所以啊，我来帮你流泪，哭也哭过了，泪也流了，你就往前冲吧！（你知道女人是水做的吧？哈！）

身为你的好朋友，我能做的就是为你加油打气，
给你勇气往前走，做你认为对的事；
给你臂膀休息，让你能面对一切结果，无论好坏。

请原谅我无法给你建议，因为我并没有经验可以和你分享；
也原谅我无法给你安慰，因为我知道再多的安慰也是徒然。

哎……这篇，想了好久好久……写了好久好久……
简短来说：
我希望的是，无论结果是怎样，你都能坦然面对，
也希望你别忘了我在你身边支持你。
先跟你说，别-想-甩-开-我-！哈哈哈哈！

永远爱你、支持你的朋友

Totally into it~

2009-04-09T00:22:00.007+08:00

Not anything or anyone... just my favorite make-up among all --- Mascara...

Went dinner with Yin at Sunway Pyramid today, and we went in Watson's - gals just couldn't resist going in, do they? even they don't have things to buy - and I saw Majolica-Majorca's mascara. Well, it's not the first time I saw this brand, neither do thier mascara, but today, I'm so in the mood of testing their product. I was once told the mascara was not so good, hence I normally ignore it. But here comes the FATE. Haha. I tested the 'Gorgeous Wing' and my lashes lengthened, then 'Enamel Glamour'... I couldn't believe that I have such long lashes, yea, naturally my lashes was borned long and thick, but more with them... and I found out one mascara has both function 'lash beautifying mascara frame plus'. They are great! No kidding. Every gal should try them. Haha... I feel so pity to remove them... Haiz... I wish I have more money...

Gosh!!! I want that mascara so badly~ It is so going to be my next target. Muahaha!!

(Up) Without mascara; (Down) With Majolica-majorca's mascara.

HUGE different right? Sigh... so sad I actually have to remove them. I'll definitely start saving money for it!!! Ah!!!!~

喘不过气

2009-04-04T16:31:00.002+08:00

真得没法呼吸……
太多太多的压力、太多太多的想法、太多太多……太多太多……
我相信不只是我，
可是为什么好像只有我那么的不从容……
那么容易的把一切写在脸上？

不够成熟吧！嗯……就是……
明明在多几个星期就要毕业了，
我，却好像没什么长进……
还得在加油！

Hawaiian Couple by Humming Urban Stereo

很喜欢这首歌。没什么特别原因，它纯粹为我带来快乐……虽然……那快乐很短暂……
原它也能为你们带来快乐。

Got my new laptop~

2009-03-29T11:08:00.002+08:00

So damn happy to have a new laptop,
but I'm so busy to play with it.
Well, everything in the laptop is still cacated,
I just need some time...
sigh...

Till then~

雨。火

2009-03-26T04:29:00.004+08:00

有时会在想，自己在这世界上有没有被需要，像每天要睡觉吃饭一样，像每天有一定要做的事一样，被需要。躺在床上的手机，可以两个星期不响，唯收到的是电讯公司发的短讯。窝在房间，可以一整天没人打扰。看着手上的打火机，我竟羡慕起它。其实我要的不多，只希望可以当一支平凡的打火机，在某些时候点着，为别人的需要而着的微微光芒。看着烟散在雨后的好天气，不禁有点寂寞、感伤……就此而已。你，被谁需要吗？

Bye blog... I'll be back soon....

2009-03-24T03:40:00.002+08:00

Due to the packed assignments deadline...
In short term, I will not be able to blog as frequent as I do...
So...
Ciao~~

But people,
please do me a favour~
Help me to fill up my FYP survey form HERE.
Please please please~~~
Million thanks. ^^

2009-03-08T17:04:00.003+08:00

want Pizza want pizza want pizza want pizza want pizza want pizza want pizza want pizza want pizza want pizza want pizza want pizza want pizza want pizza want pizza want pizza want pizza want pizza want pizza want pizza want pizza want pizza want pizza want pizza want pizza want pizza want pizza want pizza want pizza want pizza want pizza want pizza want pizza want pizza want pizza want pizza want pizza want pizza want pizza want pizza want pizza want pizza want pizza want pizza want pizza want pizza want pizza want pizza want pizza want pizza want pizza want pizza want pizza want pizza want pizza want pizza want pizza want pizza want pizza want pizza want pizza want pizza want pizza want pizza want pizza want pizza want pizza want pizza want pizza want pizza want pizza want pizza want pizza want pizza want pizza want pizza want pizza want pizza want pizza want pizza want pizza want pizza want pizza want pizza want pizza want pizza want pizza want pizza want pizza want pizza want pizza want pizza want pizza want pizza want pizza want pizza want pizza want pizza want pizza want pizza want pizza want pizza want pizza want pizza want pizza want pizza want pizza want pizza want pizza want pizza want pizza want pizza want pizza want pizza want pizza want pizza

I WANT PIZZA!

愁更愁

2009-03-07T22:08:00.003+08:00

明明想忘记明明想沉淀
却又不知该从何下手
伤害已造成却撒手不管
任伤口继续疼痛不堪

明明血已流成河泪也干
却要争取最后的自尊
装大人扮懂事
在人群背后黯然销魂

我知道我不是你而你也不是我
没人了解你心中真正的感觉
也知道伤心让人疲惫心碎
你却扬起笑脸假装没事
独自面对

*本篇纯属巧合如有雷同请不要对号入座~*

Miss my hair....

2009-03-01T00:44:00.003+08:00

Don't you miss my hair a little bit longer??
I DO!!!
But it's hard to kept it long for me now,
I don't have time to manage.
Recently,
I have more acne,
my hair's condition has worsen,
my dark circles are darker.
*Sigh*

Anyway,
I just miss my hair...

Difference of friends and family

2009-02-28T00:30:00.004+08:00

Friends is always around you.
Family is always in your heart.

You always tell what you feel to your friend, or maybe swearing together,
but you don't tell how you feel to your family, just to keep them out of worry.
* Some might say "No news are good news" (Direct traslation, paise...)

When you tell your friend your difficulties, they will tell you theirs.
When you tell your family your difficulties, they will encourage you from the bottom of their heart.

To me?
I will cry for the words of encouragement by my family...
At least, I know there's still someone stand beside me, love me and support me.

Sorry for this sentimental post, this is all because of the stress I'm undergoing...

*Just finished MSN-ing with my dad, and crying like a baby.*

“没有一样东西时白来的。” said my dad.

Not what I want...

2009-02-27T22:20:00.002+08:00

Assignments, thesis, assignments, thesis...
Books, handouts, books, handouts...

I have never been suffering as much as I do now...
As you know, sleeping is always my priority of life, and also where my energy from,
since Chinese New Year, I have not have a good rest, good sleep (OK, maybe sometimes I do have long hours of sleeping, but good one? NOP), and I have not been back to Klang since then.

I miss my bed always, I miss the time with my parents, chit-chatting, shopping and etc. but recently when they called, I don't even have energy to talk to them. All I can say is how busy am I, and how tired am I.

And now... I'm having the darkest~ circles ever in my life... and that will follow me for the rest of my life? Maybe I should go to buy the new Garnier Brightening Eye Roll-on.

Well, pray for me. Till then.

Er...clearing throat

2009-02-24T21:17:00.003+08:00

SHUCKS!

I had my "young" photo posted in facebook.
*click HERE to take a look*

Unbelievably, I look soooo~ innocent, and old fashion...
I look awful... with my big fat body...
T.T

2009-02-24T21:03:00.001+08:00

Changed my template again!!!
LOL

其实……

2009-02-22T02:27:00.000+08:00

是我，还是他们？

其实也没什么的，只是最近啊，太累了，若有个肩膀靠一靠多好。只是距离这天好像还很远。随便啦！反正，我就是让人觉得我一个人也可以过得很好、高傲难接近。事实上，我什么都没做，没有装、没有摆架子，怪只能怪上天给了我一脸大便，什么都写在脸上吧？虽然，笑一笑什么都能解决，只是太累时，还有那种力气摆笑脸吗？这啊，我还得学上一段时间，有谁有速成班啊？开班教一教我。

最近和利聊起这事……难道我们不好吗？到底什么问题呢？可是我们得到的结论是：好的东西是指的等待的，或许那就是一生一世。多么的自欺欺人，对吧？哎……我也不想再多想了，也不想随波逐流，别人有的我不一定得有，我有的，别人也不一定有。我也不想随随便便，到最后，后悔了、不合了，又拖拖拉拉，互相牵拖。

其实，有没有人想过逃离自己的世界？现在的我，很想。或许，放一放假，来个旅行，一切都会很好，偏偏现在忙得透不过气来，明明很多事该做，却一直拖、拖、拖，拖到我都累了、烦了。只能听大量的音乐、睡长时间的觉、看戏，才能让我觉得：啊！我还活着啊！原来……

Still procrastinating... assignments and FYP

2009-02-18T16:36:00.002+08:00

*FYP = Final Year Project

If one day, my dear friends,
you find me fainted or dead in my room,
don't be surprise...
It's because of the assignments and FYP had buried me...
and I can't breath...
just pray for me,
for not going to undergo this kind of life again...

Haiz...
I fight,
but I can't won time...
never ever...
I feel really weak...
mentally and physically...

Whatever it is...
and whatever it will be...
I'm still going to have my nap NOW!

Bye.

2009-02-08T23:51:00.006+08:00

Lynn and Yenn,
so sorry it took so long...
really busy recently...

So...
here it comes~

Front.

Side.

I personally like this most. ^^

My "double-sized-sis" back from Taiwan.

Lucky... * if I'm not mistaken =P*

The front door from inside...

Dining table.
And your mom... XD

The kitchen...

Heard the story of this.
Will be hanging at the living room.

The stairs...

=.="

Everyone in the British-style living room.
Heard that it meant not to be like this,
but because of the discount...

Well... I did take lots of photo...
but using my mobile,
lots of bad quality ones,
so...
that's all...

Till then...

Kids

2009-02-01T01:55:00.004+08:00

This is what I found when I was cleaning the house before CNY,
and it was drawn by LIM CHEE CHIA (Me^^) in 1996.
I was 9 years old that year...
Besides this drawing, there are vocabularies too, for spelling test, I believe.
Hahaha...

Ok, just to show off this precious drawing of mine. Blek. =P

************

Opps, I forgot.
My cute nephew~
William... is back!
Ha!

Cute??
He's almost 2, if I'm not mistaken.
He's now running here and there,
talking to himself and everyone.
Absolutely CUTE~
He even has that British accent.
And he pronounces AngPau as "EngPau".

Last but not least,
he remembers me!!!
Wahahaha!!!

Hope to see him again before he's back to UK.
Haha...

Aunty feelings...

To Lynn and Yenn,
I will post the pictures of your home,
as long as I finish edit the pix.
^^

Er herm…… CNY is here!!! Whoo Hoo~

2009-01-23T22:11:00.001+08:00

So~o~o happy! Gagaga… Happy happy happy~ I don’t care once I get my angpau, first I want to buy Bodyshop’s Cherry Blossom EDT, it smells nice~ unlike my musky Burberry the Beat. Yeah~ Chinese New Year~

But…….Poor me. Since Year 1, I started to buy my own new year clothes, but this year… Haiz… not that I don’t even have one piece of new clothes, but not enough lor… I used to spent 600+ bucks on my year 1, this year? RM 250 ONLY. Including my hair cut. MAN! What is happening? How can this happened? Why am I so poor? Haiz… Bad bad bad… recession…for me too… T.T

Till then~ HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR~

PS: Might not blog as frequent as the past, too busy doing assignments and my final year project.

Can't sleep, so I...

2009-01-14T09:59:00.005+08:00

Ok, for those can't read Chinese, I'm sorry, because this is happening in my daily life, so if it's in Chinese that will be more appropriate and funny...
Yeap, I'm so free that I drew a comic in AI... Gosh, can't believe it. I know it's rough, and some may not understand it. But... what the heck, I'm only drawing to pass the time, and let those who understand to have a smile...
Hehehe...

Till then~
Toodles~

Pendrive pendrive where are u??

2009-01-12T22:47:00.002+08:00

I LOST my pendrive!!!! Gosh!!!
Many many things are inside it...
Including my stupid camwhore with my dear friends...
Can't believe it...

I don't even remember when I last saw it!!!!
F*CK!!!!!

Love, l'original si difficile.

2009-01-03T19:35:00.001+08:00

或许，曾经爱过才会明白，爱一个人有多痛苦。
与老朋友聚会时，讲起很多往事，
曾经爱上同一个人，因为他，我们都痛苦过。
当初，多么傻。还痴痴的以为会有结果。
自从高中二结束我两年的单恋之后，
四年了，我等待的那个他，不曾出现过。
是心死了、还是那个他，真的那么难找？
朋友一个一个的，在感情上找到依归，
而我，还是孤身一人，过着单身的日子。
呵……往事只能回味，未来也只能期许。

HAPPY NEW YEAR 2009!!!

2008-12-31T23:44:00.002+08:00

Happy New Year, peeps~~~
Woooooots! Finally a new year!!!!
Have a blast!!!
And hope everyones' dream comes true!!!!
Yeah~~~~

Merry Christmas~!

2008-12-25T18:47:00.002+08:00

Yeah~ Finally Christmas~ But I was listening to Christmas carol since the beginning of December, the feeling of the Christmas has diminished. Haha!

6 days more to 2009~!

Runny nose

2008-12-19T06:53:00.003+08:00

Yea... Since this afternoon. But I don't know what actually happened? I was just sleeping and sneezing... then... TADA~ FLU! It's killing me... feel that my nose will drop out every time I sneeze and wipe off the snivel... Gosh~! Help ah!

幻想与现实之间

2008-12-18T03:34:00.003+08:00

从很久很久以前，我就很爱幻想。这算是好事还是坏事，我不清楚。不过幻想帮我度过很多寂寞、伤心的时间。或许，脱离现实，的确能让我开心吧！呵呵……别告诉我，你没有幻想过。或许，想你喜欢的人、喜欢的生活、喜欢的事……我呢……呵呵……秘密……
当结束幻想，回到现实。总是很多的遗憾、失望、伤感。为什么我没法活在幻想中？若能活在幻想中，我会很幸福吧？
可能，活在现实，就是让我了解，幻想世界有多么的好？这就是平衡。幻想与现实之间，总会有小小的幸福与失望。

Goose's Dream By Carnival (LeeJuck & Kim Dong Ryul)

2008-12-17T04:20:00.001+08:00

I.. I had a dream.
Even if it was a shabby dream that was dumpped and tored.
But I've kept it deep inside my heart like a treasure.

Sometimes, somebody laughed at me behind my back.
I should stand it. I could stand it for the day.

*
You always said with anxiety.
"An empty dream is a poison.
This world has already fixed like a novel's ending.
It can't be back. This is a "reality".
Oh Yes, I, I have a dream. I believe the dream.
Watch at me please.
In front of the cold wall named "reality"(Destiny),
I can face it with full confidence.

Someday I'll over the wall.
I can fly high above the sky.
Even this heavy world can't chain me.
At the end of my life,
The day when I'll make a smile,
I hope it to be with you.

命

2008-12-09T18:52:00.003+08:00

你们，相信命吗？最近，我和轩好像常常在想这回事。是因为我们太迷惘吗？还是我们已经到那个年龄啦？面相、手相、风水等等等…… 我都想知道，我想知道我的命。
我厚实的手，说我是个好命的人，虽然我不否认我是真得很好命，可是，是真的吗？有没有那个人可以告诉我，我现在为什么会这么懊恼？
曾经，也有人说，我将来的另一半是有钱又帅的，是真的吗？为什么他还不要出现呢？让我都觉得自己以后会不婚。
我额头上有两颗痣，大人们都说是聪明痣，可我，也没有很聪明啊！甚至有时还傻傻的、笨笨的。
到底是怎样嘛……
最近真的很想算命，想知道自己是怎样的人，将来会怎样？如果啊，这世界上真的有预言的话，多好啊！那么，我现在就不会那么的懊恼……

2008-12-09T18:03:00.006+08:00

Ok... This is what I saw last friday when I was on the way to KL.
Interesting huh?
It look exactly like there's a tap in the sky... hahaha!!

These are my booties I told y'all yesterday~~~ Nice??
I like the dress with flowers the most~ Hehe...
But YX said I spent money on buying "Xiao Mei Mei"(Little girl)'s stuff.
Hng!! I don't think so lo... I'm just 21st what... What's wrong with that?
Plus all age wear T-shirt lar...
Don't care don't care...

Randomly random...

2008-12-09T04:27:00.003+08:00

Yea... went shopping at Sungei Wang last Saturday.
It was weird stepping in after 2 years, although the structure is still there, but S.W really changes a lot. It was also a exciting and happy day there, because it has been such a long time I spent little amount of money to buy quite an amount of booty. Wakaka!! 6 tops, a pair of gladiator sandal and a belt~! Woots~ Happy~

Well, what I feel weird is that, people skip Christmas there. There are hundreds of shops there, but only one shop playing Christmas Carol!! Can you imagine? Most of them plays "balia" and "disco" CNY songs, which made me feel uncomfortable (Really hate that kind of songs; An interlude here, today I went night market, and they are playing "Hakka" version CNY songs, "Lemon Tree" CNY song, so stupid! Sigh... speechless...). Christmas carols sounds way better than CNY songs lar... Why people skipped Christmas? Christmas is such a wonderful festival. Don't you think so? My gosh! Stop making CNY stupid la!! Follow the tradition, people!!! I don't like "Hakka" CNY songs, neither do "disco" CNY songs and "lemon tree" CNY song!!! Grow up people!!!

Sigh...

Oh yea! One more incident! I read today's newspaper, an article regarding the culture of Nyonya and Baba... In the article, the columnist wrote that Parameswara also called Sultan Iskandar Shah!? I doubt that lar... but just to confirm I am right, I search the net... and Wikipedia said so... Parameswara = Sultan Iskandar Shah. Wth? It is not la... I think... Click here for Wikipedia Is it true? As I remember, he did nothing, except he founded Malacca... Saw that kancil jumping over a dog... And I thought Iskandar Shah is his posterity?? Well... whatever....

Money

2008-12-06T10:06:00.003+08:00

Yea... today's topic is kinda boring, and common.

Recently I am so broke, that I couldn't even imagine what will happened to me the following days. There are so many things to let me spend money on this month! Sis is coming back from Taiwan, wanted her to buy me something, I have to pay. Carmen is having wed dinner on 20th of December, got to buy her pressie. I want to shop so badly!!! Can you imagine, the last time I shop is August!!?? Man! August!!! That was like few decades ago!

Earning money is also hard... weird timetable... how am I supposed to work part time? I need a job that I can do it at home, but high pay. Is that even possible? Gosh! Impossible! Seems like I really have to learn from Yin, create another blog, and put advertisement in it!! I'll be clicking it like crazy~! You will help me too, right? Hehehe...

In conclusion, MONEY IS NOT EVERYTHING, BUT EVERYTHING IS MONEY. And darn that.

How am I going to survive?

2008-12-03T21:11:00.002+08:00

Not being down, just being honest to my life. I'm so confused, and even regretting taking advertising as my major. Another five months, my degree is going to end, but I don't give a sh*t whether continuing studies or start working. I'm so dead! Watching friends of mine, planning, even working part time, I envy, honestly, I envy. Why don't I have a specific interest, or specialty? Yeah, maybe I am low in self-esteem, I'm good at nothing... and blah blah blah... I just couldn't make up my mind! I hope there is more time for me, but, all of us know time flew faster than how we think it is.

I'm proud of my friends that they have the ambitious, the target, but sometimes, this really makes me feel tiny. Everytime in the conversation, it shows that I'm clueless, the more they said, the more I feel stupid! I'm angry with myself!!! Hate that feeling, I feel like hiding in somewhere, and hope that I wasn't even born!

I really wish I were them. Ambitious, high self-esteem, believe in themselves and have specialty. Why don't I able to be sportive, and able to start a conversation with anyone? Why don't I have a creative mind?

Maybe I'm too greedy, that everything just won't come to me.

Sinking...

2008-12-01T22:20:00.002+08:00

I'm sinking into a bottomless pit,
and will never able to go back,
will never able to be who I used to be.

I have tried,
but it is useless,
and I couldn't resist.

My life will never be the same.

整装待发!

2008-11-28T21:20:00.002+08:00

终于，这个学期结束了。
现在，就是努力读书的时候了！
虽然只有一科，
但得读完两本课本，
我，
一个chapter都还没读完呢，
等死。

所以，是时候读书啦!

*
*
*
*
*
*
*

不过，今晚先去玩~
哈哈！
拜！
^^

Simply Horror

2008-11-26T21:38:00.005+08:00

I simply like this photo... Hahaha!!! What a wonderful photoshop skills YX has.^^ Thanks!

He was saying regret putting the word "FEAR", but what I think it creates the feeling of the photo, right people? Hehehe...

Beautiful horror~!
Me lurve~

Credits to Mr Clement Wai Yee Sen (a.k.a YX).

三年

2008-11-23T14:08:00.003+08:00

三年了，
当我再次踏进这里，
看着曾经熟悉的风景，
听着曾经熟悉的声音。

要不是上次梦见你，
说不定，
我就这么忘了你。
对不起……
是我不好。
对不起……

看着菩提树，
想你，
是否可好？
在天国的你，
现在幸福吗？
是在过着神仙般的生活，
还是已投胎转世？

你离开，
已九年了，
明年，
是第十年了。
现在回想，
也不知这九年是怎么过的。
原来，
没有你的日子，
也过得那么快……

曾经像太阳般存在的你，
我很想念。
你慈祥开朗的脸庞，
我很想念。
看着你的照片，
我忽然很想哭，
原来，
时间可以那么快过。
原来，
你是那么的寂寞。
原来，
我差一点就这样忘了。

你是我生命中最重要的人，
在我还不懂事时，
把我拉拔长大的婆婆，
在我哭时，
细心安慰我的婆婆，
在我最无助时，
给我力量的婆婆。
我甚至来不及告诉你，
我有多么的爱你。
你就这样离开了……

婆，
我真得无法想象，
没有你的我，
今天会怎样？
婆，
我很想念你。
真得非常希望，
我有那机会，
能孝顺你。

婆，
你过得好吗？
请你在天上，
开开心心的过，
不要对我们牵挂，
因为我们会过得很好，
会努力的过得很好。
你只要偶尔到我梦中旅行就好了，
让我知道你过得很好，
那就够了。

婆，
你的笑容将永远印在我的心中。
我爱你……

SAD

2008-11-20T20:50:00.005+08:00

Don't say goodbye - Translation -
by DBSK <4th>

I can’t read your feelings since you try not to meet eyes with me,
Because I feel like a lost child, I just wait

Truthfully, I know what you’re going to say,
But I can feel that it’s not your whole heart;
your tears tell me

Don’t say goodbye,
I can hear your heart telling me not to let go of your hands,
I can hear you heart; You still just want me,
You can’t hide it, you can’t lie

I won’t allow it - your lie of wanting to separate,
Look in my eyes and tell me,
It’s not…it’s not the truth

Don’t say goodbye,
I can hear your heart telling me not to let go of your hands,
I can hear your heart; Even if the world turns its back on us;
Even if it’s a painful love,
You are my love, you are my soul

Don’t say goodbye, don’t leave me now,
The promises we’ve shared is everything to me

Don’t say goodbye, you are my everything to me,
My tired days only look for you,
Like a pond which won’t dry, I’ll love you,
You are my love, you are my soul

Don’t say goodbye, you are the only one for me,
As if nothing has happened, if today passes,
Let’s not let go of each other, and we’ll make it through,
Cause you are my everything to me,
Cause you are my everything to me

Source: DBSKer Archieve

What a sad song... I've been waiting for the translation for quite a time... I guess it's a sad ballad when I listen to it, but the lyrics, it's more then what I imagine.

失眠

2008-11-17T21:39:00.002+08:00

昨夜，又失眠了。
对于这样的情况，我真的无能为力。
身子翻来覆去，脑子一幕一幕，
都不知道为了什么。
都快被折磨疯了！！！
啊！！！
算了，今晚试一试盈介绍的Panadol!

Listening to: Tanya-失忆症

Ten random facts about me

2008-11-17T17:28:00.002+08:00

tagged by Rachel

It's kinda lazy to do this, but... since it's Rachel, well, here I start.

Ten random facts about me

I have a huge secret, that my family couldn't know, I'll get killed if they know about that.
I basically sleep a lot, but other than that I like just sitting in front the computer youtubing, watching movies, drama, series, listening to music. I can spent long hours in front of my computer, except going out to buy meals.
I'm chubby (maybe soon will be fat), but I don't feel like slimming down... OK, maybe a little, but not into slim slim body.
I may seem happy, delightful on my face, but swearing inside my heart.
I don't have much good friends, I seldom have hi-bye friends, but, believe me, all my besties are insane.
I love singing (I mean o-e-o kinda singing) and playing piano, but, I gave up because of my stupidity when I was young.
I love dancing, but did not get a chance to learn.
I am so addicted to Korean language, but did not get the chance to learn too. But I can barely understand some sentences and words without looking at the subtitle, or even there are no subtitle.
I'm such a huge fan of DBSK, it started when I'm in Year 1 Sem2. I dreamt about them in SS2 yamcha with me. I listen to all theirs songs, watch all program they are in, I follow their news. OMG, I sound bin tai... I feel guilty for loving them, because I am old to be a fangal. But, wth.
I wanted to study aboard, but I am scared of being alone, and my English will be people's joke.

Okie, I think that's all...

TOodles~~

仍然沉溺...

2008-11-15T15:14:00.003+08:00

仍然沉溺在“Don't say goodbye”这首歌。
虽然不明白歌词再说些什么，
但却和我产生一种莫名的共鸣。
尝试着寻找歌词的意思，
却因为歌曲还新，
而暂时没翻译。

或许是因为下雨天，
整个人忧郁了起来，
悲伤似乎在空气中弥漫着，
雨天，
好似会带走些什么，
带走快乐、带走欢笑，
甚至生命。
意外地，花花走了，黎楚宁也走了。
虽然，他们和我都不太有关系，
只是，听见死亡，往往都会将人的好心情丢下山崖。

花花，是轩他们家的兔子。
是一个我还来不及交的朋友，
是一只又胖又可爱的兔子。
平时坚强，又不容易显露自己心情的轩，
为了她，竟默默的哭泣；
平时疯狂，又总是沉稳理性的采，
为了她，眼泪流个不停。
看着他们，我却无法作出安慰。

如果哪一天，
我走了，
你们也会那样吗？
会不会也会那样的想念我？
会不会也为我那样的哭泣？
如果哪一天，
你们，我亲爱的朋友们，
你们走了，
我会为你们哭泣，
以将我们的回忆淹没在我的心底；
我会想念你们，
以感谢你们的陪伴；
我会将你们放在我心底，
因为我们拥有太多太多的回忆。
你们已是我生命中的一部分。

安心走吧！
离开这世界，
寻找你们的乐园。

雨天，是让悲伤得以宣泄的天气。
哭吧！
就像只有自己存在在这世上一样。
将悲伤全哭出来，
因为，
明天又是新的一天……

Don't say goodbye

2008-11-14T20:43:00.006+08:00

by DBSK [4th Album Mirotic Ver.C]

눈 맞추지 못하는 그댈 읽을 수 없죠
길을 잃어버린 아이 같아서 기다리고만 있죠

어떤 말을 할건지 사실 난 알고 있죠
진심이 아닌걸 눈치 챈걸요 눈물이 말하잖아요

Don't Say Goodbye
그 손을 놓지 말라는 마음이 들려요
그대 맘이 들려요 아직 나만을 원하죠
그댄 숨길 수 없죠 그댄 거짓말을 못하죠

허락할 수 없어요 헤어지잔 거짓말
눈을 보고 말해봐요 아니잖아요 진심 아니잖아요

Don't Say Goodbye
그 손을 놓지 말라는 마음이 들려요
그대 맘이 들려요 세상이 등 돌려도 힘든 사랑이라도
You are my love, you are my soul

Don't Say Goodbye don't leave me now oh~
함께 나눈 약속이 내겐 전부인걸요

Don't Say Goodbye You are my everything to me
지친 내 하루는 항상 그댈 찾겠죠
마르지 않는 샘처럼 그댈 사랑할께요
You are my love, you are my soul

Don't say good bye you are the only one for me
없었던 일처럼 오늘이 또 지나면
서로 맘을 놓지 않고 모두 이겨내겠죠
Cause you are my everything to me

Cause you are my everything to me

Source: MNet; Credits: DBSKer Archieve

A very nice song... That makes me cry last night.
Well, as all of you might know,
I'm really addicted to Korean nowadays,
but my love for DBSK starts way lot longer ago.
BTW, I don't understand the lyric,
I just simply get touched by their voice...
^^
Hehe...
Enjoy~

source: Youtube; Credits: farahmickey

遥远的存在

2008-11-13T22:32:00.002+08:00

这里的空气很新鲜
这里的小吃很特别
这里的latte不像水
这里的夜景很有感觉
在一万英尺的天边
在一万英尺的天边
在有港口view的房间
在讨价还价的商店
在凌晨喧闹的三四点
可是亲爱的
你怎么不在我身边
我们有多少时间能浪费
电话再甜美
传真再安慰
也不足以应付不能拥抱你的遥远
我的亲爱的
你怎么不在我身边
一个人过一天像过一年
海的那一边
乌云一整片
我很想为了你快乐一点
可是亲爱的
你怎么不在我身边

*亲爱的你怎么不在我身边-江美琪

Moodless

2008-11-12T22:20:00.002+08:00

I need to calm down... I am being ridiculous for a week... gastric... digestion prob... long hours sleeping... and insomnia at night... Couldn't these be more uncomfortable!? Darn!!!!

OK, I might not look like I'm stressing as I look, but I really do. Feel like vomiting, and longer sleeping time... I want to escape... from all these things...

害怕

2008-11-10T01:06:00.002+08:00

这两天，像很多。就像是没人阻止的坏小孩，想很多。从几个月前，我就是什么都不想，想说就说，想做就做。但这两天，我又开始想。我庆幸自己的家庭，并没有遭遇很多的不幸，庆幸爸妈给我一个完整的家，让我不需要烦经济问题。其实会想这些，是因为轩。但我还是庆幸自己，并没有像他一样的遭遇。作为朋友的我，只能精神上支持他。或许还有在心底默默地、默默地为他祈祷。

这，只是让我思考的导火线。

我真正要说的是，我害怕。害怕的，有太多。未来、自己、未来……

和轩、利、采在一起，我很自在，自在得让我不安。不只害怕我们的友谊或该说姐妹情会改变，其实我更怕的是，我会变回原来的自己。我不是不爱以前的自己，我很爱，很高兴，也没后悔。但是，以前的自己，真得很不讨喜。尖酸刻薄不用说，心直口快，还会不自觉得罪人。很糟糕，没错，很糟糕。我害怕这样的自在，让我便会以前的自己。

轩说：自我警惕，还是重要的。

我很赞同。就算和最好最好的朋友在一起，还是要自我警惕。我不想再为自己一时口快，伤害别人的话，充满愧疚。而是真的相好了再说。就像珠一样，他就像以前的我，改变了，却又因为太自在，而回到过去。说实在，错的，并不是她，我们，她的好朋友也有错。只是，我当初只是幼稚的认为，那时她的错。

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

今天，又到三姨家了。发觉岁月真的不等人，从以前的子女经，变成健康经。爸妈，你们能等到我长大吗？能等到我有能力养你们吗？

轩又说：我们要感谢父母，把我们生出来，让我们的灵魂感受这世界的喜、怒、哀、乐。

希望……我真的希望你们能健康。

In love again~

2008-11-02T15:00:00.003+08:00

Les Choristes.
A French movie talking about a boy choir.

Yea... yesterday was the 3rd time watching it.
But I still love that.
Love the boys, love the songs, love the harmony.
This reminds me of my high school life,
LIVE FOR CHOIR!
Unfortunately there is no choir group in my uni.
I misses the days practicing, singing, and fooling around with my mates.

Awesome!

2008-10-31T21:17:00.001+08:00

Playing piano with balls~~?

He actually play that with the balls?
Erm... wonder if it is real...
See for yourself...

What's wrong of being a Malaysian Chinese?

2008-10-31T16:33:00.002+08:00

Decided to write this post is because my dear classmate, Peach got spam by those super-boring-arrogant idiots in her blog's chat box. Poor thing.

Dang!

I know being a Malaysian maybe a bit "whatever" especially we are Chinese. Because of our culture, we have to learn at least 3 languages since we were born. Since then we can't concentrate in a specific language, no one to blame, but it's just the culture, OK? Accept it people, or else shut up!

Plus, there's lots of people in the world and lots of languages. We can't determine a person with it's language ability, maybe there's people that born with weak language ability, but sure they will have a excellent feature. Why do the people have to be so harsh to hurt a person who wants to improve her English in writing a blog, that's her interest! Commenting and jeering her makes you a better person issit? Or you will feel great of being such a bastard?

FCUK, OMFG, Passerby and Grammar. If you are so good, let's start a fight OK? It's not fair when 4 against 1!!!! You bully!!!!If you think that your English is so good, and reading her blog is so annoying, just kill yourself or shut your f*cking PC down, OK!? You guys have no right to laugh at people. If you are so great, don't ever use Mandrin, never ever!! Rubbish!!

Sorry people, for listening to my constant chatter.

Bless you, Peach.

Till then~

Rolling on the floor~

2008-10-29T15:03:00.002+08:00

It's so heaty here.
I don't understand,
few weeks ago still raining all day,
everyday,
like nobody's business.
but now,
hot like hell,
like no one's business too.
Gosh!
I'm in an oven and ready to be served anytime.

Anyway,
I did something stupid but funny recording with my friends yesterday 11pm sth at McD,
we are trying to imitate a Thailand airport announcement at first,
but it turn out an idea of recording our own funny ringtone.
Then it took hours (till 3 am),
and 'n' times of laughing and recording.
Well, at last,
we are so immune to the ringtone we sang,
then finally we succeed!
Haha!
Sorry I will not upload it here,
I don't want to show how funny it is and how stupid we are,
this is too over.
Hahahaha!
Still listening to the ringtone...
It is still darn funny.
Muahahha!!!

Happy Birthday My Dear Sis~

2008-10-29T03:05:00.003+08:00

Today is the 19th birthday of my younger sis in Taiwan now.
Studying hard in Taiwan,
I'm proud of you, sis.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!! And have a blast!!

May all your wishes come true~
Love ya~

Thanks mom.
I'm glad I have a sis,
although we usually did not get well,
and there's always arguing and bla-bla-bla,
I still feel grateful to have this sis.
Mom,
you should be proud to have us both though.
Hahaha!

Picture "stolen" from my sis's friendster, and re-edited. ^^

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!

New template

2008-10-28T16:22:00.001+08:00

YOoHOo~
I change a new template...
Just because I'm so bored,
and I'm sick of the dots...
Haha...

Random

2008-10-28T15:52:00.005+08:00

What a weird feeling knowing the bus fare has increased since don't-know-when.I have not been taking bus since the end of my internship, and I did not take any bus to uni since the short sem starts. You have to know that, taking a cab is always cheaper than taking bus if you have 2~4 person with you. Plus, our class is in odd hours, taking bus is not as convenient as it did.

Haiz...
Prices increase more and more, but when will pocket money or even salary will increase?

Well, I am able to save money this month, don't know why. Weird.

Toodles~

Back In PJ

2008-10-27T21:45:00.003+08:00

I like PJ more than Klang...
but...
my parents are in Klang.
And I do realize that they are getting older and older.
I do grow older too,
just that the older I am,
I'm more lost.

These 3 days back in Klang
makes me think of my future.
Just like what I said long ago,
I'm lost,
and I'm still lost.
I'm going to graduate in another 7 months,
7 months!
And I still don't know what I want to do.
... ...
Not a clue.

Working? Studying?
I don't know.

Life has never been sh*ttier as it does now.

I had a dream~

2008-10-24T21:44:00.002+08:00

Had a beautiful dream last night and this afternoon.
In the dream there's a man that holds my hand,
that lend me his shoulder.

Immersed in the sweet dream~

Better not say too much,
waiting for my sweet dream to come true.
^^

Mirotic~

2008-10-17T20:42:00.000+08:00

My fav DBSK...
They turned into sexy man~!
Whoa~

新的开始？

2008-10-14T21:22:00.003+08:00

终于唱了K。
意外的，时间好像过得很快。
唱了很多旧歌，
因为我老了，
不再追“最新专辑”。

想念孙燕姿的“遇见”。。。
听见冬天的离开
我在某年某月醒过来
我想我等我期待
未来却不能因此安排

阴天傍晚车窗外
未来有一个人在等待
向左向右向前看
爱要拐几个弯才来
我遇见谁会有怎样的对白
我等的人他在多远的未来
我听见风来自地铁和人海
我排著队拿著爱的号码牌

听见冬天的离开
我在某年某月醒过来
我想我等我期待
未来却不能因此安排

阴天傍晚车窗外
未来有一个人在等待
向左向右向前看
爱要拐几个弯才来
我遇见谁会有怎样的对白
我等的人他在多远的未来
我听见风来自地铁和人海
我排著队拿著爱的号码牌

我遇见谁会有怎样的对白
我等的人他在多远的未来
我听见风来自地铁和人海
我排著队拿著爱的号码牌
我往前飞飞过一片时间海
我们也常在爱情里受伤害
我看著路梦的入口有点窄
我遇见你是最美丽的意外
终有一天我的谜底会揭开

昨天啊，
轩生日。
也没什么特别计划，
只是因为没课，
所以去唱K。

轩昨天凌晨突然有感而发的跟我说：
一个人生日的时候，
就知道他的人缘好不好。
对，
我有点赞同。
一向爱炫的他，人缘不错的他，
意外的，今年生日没什么人祝福。
我是习惯忘记自己生日的人，
所以祝不祝福，
我无所谓，
反正人缘一向如此差。
但轩昨天说那句话时，
眼神是有点悲伤的，
我不知道最后是否还陆续有人祝他生日快乐，
只想让他知道，
我不会忘记他的生日。

最近，很哈韩。
我哈韩不是一天两天的事，
只是最近更严重。
竟然中毒到一直落韩文单字，
我知道酱还蛮白痴的，
可酱很好玩，
尤其轩也参一脚，
两个人一直在讲一直在讲。
韩剧看太多了！
哈哈哈！

终于回到校园生活。
意外的，讲师看起来很好人。
专心地听了简介，
因为这学期超赶，
也因该很难维持成绩。
我的妈呀！
拼死都得保住分数，
不想因为这学期没了我的sencond upper.
都快疯了！！

Once... we were carefree and lighthearted

2008-10-09T21:08:00.004+08:00

The days couldn't be found again.
We grow and we change,
days are harder and harder,
life is challenging and we meet different people.

But something that will not be changed.
Us.
Although we live in a same town,
to gather always is impossible.
Still, I always cherish our friendship.
That makes me what and who I am today,
and also future.

It have been long time I never laugh like I did in the past.
It's comfortable, I'll treasure the coziness you give,
and await the next time we meet.

Always love y'all~

Phuket Trip 29/9~1/10

2008-10-08T19:03:00.008+08:00

Hi there everyone, I'm back.
(Actually been back for a week, but I'm too lazy to upload the photos)
*Hehe...

Time for photos. ^^

On the plane...
Clouds and blue sky.
Phuket from plane, I only stay in Patong during the trip.
Yea~ beach... but it's quite windy that day,
so I'm just there to look around and take pictures.
Hehe.
Me and the beach. ^^
Take two~
Sitting at the Starbucks. Observing Leng Zai and Leng Lui. Haha.
Happy observing session. =D
1st dinner in Red Boat.
It's actually along the street,
and there's a lot of waiters promoting their stall,
in many kinds of language (depends where do you look like you are from).
Fantastic food. I like Tom Yam.
Too bad lobster's price has increase, can't get to eat it, haiz...
Me and dad at one of the street,
which is carless at night,
and with a lots of club, pub, and also prostitute. =P
Me on the way to the beach, and shops.
Quite a long distance from where I stay, but it's still nice to walk.
Another shot. I look weird in sunnies.
Haiz.
Never gonna find a suitable one.
The trees, the beach~
Lots of Angmoh lady there in bikini
-no matter fat or slim, hmm, why can't Asian act like them?-
I wouldn't dare to wear bikini with my fat body.
Aiks.
A shopping center in Phuket, Jungceylong, just beside Carrefour.
Of course it's not compatible to our shopping center here,
but the environment is nice.
They mainly sell sports wear.
Me in a hotel or resort with my eyes close. Wth.
This hotel is awesome, freaking nice... but it is darn expensive!
It's RM 400 per night if I'm not mistaken.
Crazy.

I like the platform on the "lake" and the trees.
Haa~ so comfortable.
Me again... Just sitting there.
I look like my younger sister.
With that stupid smile.
Oh god.
Nice lamp and the combination of the ceiling. =)
My room in a guest house.
RM 35 per night with air-con. Aha!
Only in low season, if it's in peak season,
this room might cost RM 120 to RM 150 per night, unbelievable.
Staying in a guest house is just nice,
save more money for shopping. Hahaha.
Me.
A very famous show in Phuket - FantaSea.
This is beside the entry.
The show is about the legend of a kingdom,
but I don't understand much.
But still the show was nice, and grand.
The funniest part is the chickens ran from right side of the stage to the left side,
one of the chicken slipped, and run in fluster.
Wakaka!
Feel like laughing recalling it again.
This is the inside.
I like the buildings on the way to the hall, these are all shops.
Like the decorations.
And all shops is with different theme and style.
I like this jewel shop the most, because it's in white, like it so much.
Oh ya! I saw a really leng zai angmoh inside the shop,
but he's obviously younger than me. Hahaha...
The lamp post outside the hall.
Like it a lot, inspired by birdcage.
Me outside the hall.
Photos are not allowed to be taken in the hall.
It's awesome inside, glam.
Ok, the most exciting part is there is a hall of fame,
and DBSK been here before too.
Waa!!! I like that, and they look really nice in the photo.
Except these,
photos can be taken with the performers in traditional clothes,
and even baby tiger.
They are cute, but it's so expensive to take photo.
So... I did not take any photo with them.
Dad and I with elephant.
The tactility of elephant is weird... like leather but with rough hair.
Haha.

3 days in Phuket, without playing at the beach.
Only walking here and there,
shopping here and there.
I'm already familiar with the roads in Patong.
Hahaha!
And I can organized a tour next time.
LOL.

Hope to go there again with friends, that will be more fun~

Writing @ Phuket

2008-09-29T23:36:00.005+08:00

Sawadeeka~

This is a trip that I wanted for so long ago.
Ok, may be not this place,
but a trip.
Yea... It had been 3 or 4 year since last time I travel.
Phuket.
It is very different from what I imagine.
Haha.
It is quite alike M'sia,
I mean the plants, the weather.
Only the beach and ocean.
^^
And...
I can buy cheap priced dress, accessories and etc...
What's different from my previous trips is
I live in guest house at Phuket,
not resort, not hotel,
but guest house.
It is some sort of experience to me too.
Yea... I will not have good view out of my window,
I will not have a nice bedroom.
But clean, air-con, and hot water are enough.
The cheapest living is guest house.
So... can save money to shop for more!
Hahahaha!!!
Bought a dress for 350 Baht (which is abt RM35),
a fake-Dior sunnies (I really need it) for 150 Baht,
some accessories.
Hehe.
Kind of an ability to mark down the price.
I've learned that.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Teacher JO's Thai class:
tau rai = how much
mai kau zai = I don't understand (funny word if u know cantonese and hokkien, huh?)
**** OK, I have forgotten some of it, so just two for the moment ****
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Well,
I'm looking forward for my further trip.
And sure will upload the pictures after I get back to M'sia!
Yeah~

Ciao~

2008-09-26T22:25:00.001+08:00

Everyone~
I'm going to Phuket~ on Monday.
For 3 days yo~

Ciao~

Holiday? Boringday?

2008-09-25T20:50:00.000+08:00

Haiz...
Really bored...

2008-09-14T21:26:00.001+08:00

Jocelyn is sick...

Struggle... Welter...

2008-09-11T02:23:00.001+08:00

Jocelyn Lim

Soon to be dead!

怀 ☆ 梦 ☆ 恋

2008-09-10T04:14:00.003+08:00

那凌晨，
狂欢后，
在酒精催化下，
应该沉稳熟睡，
不该怀念……
不该贪恋……
怀念、贪恋你曾经的存在的往事。

连上天都否认我们曾互相喜欢的可能，
多么残忍啊！
是我自己一厢情愿，
擅自认为我们曾彼此喜欢。
又或许是，
人总记得开心、美好的，
选择忘却伤心、丑陋的，
所以你才在我心里那么完美的存在，
我选择了我想记得的，
也宁可把它想象成我想要的。
所以在梦见这残忍又伤心的梦时，
才会如此的失落，
心才会纠着。
看见你转身离开、
看着你和我擦肩而过、
我却叫也叫不出口。
心像被灼伤一样地刺痛……

“这只是一场梦”
我告诉自己，
偏偏一切是如此的真实。
我情愿没梦见，
那么……
你，
我曾深深喜欢的你，
在我心底最深处还会如此完美。

Life without working

2008-09-07T15:57:00.003+08:00

Ok,
I have to admit,
life without doing anything is so darn boring.

Now I'm so free to hangout with friends,
surf net, watch dramas and etc.
But this is so f-ing boring!

Anyways,
I am supposed to write the final report,
and the coming Friday is the freaking deadline.
I haven't start a word yet!

My room, my place is messy as hell,
but I am not in the mood to tidy up them!

Wth am I doing?
I just don't feel like moving lar...
Will I be dead because of lazy?
Hmm...

Die of boring and laziness.
JO is dead!

Shopping for shoes ^^

2008-08-31T16:51:00.003+08:00

Bought 3 shoes and a belt with mom yesterday.
Haha.

Silver colour high heels.
Love it.^^

Red Wedges that I wanted to buy long time ago.
=)

And a Nike Sports Shoe.

*****

It will soon come to an end

2008-08-26T23:07:00.002+08:00

3 more working days...
then, I'll be back to my uni life.
I miss uni life...
a lot! More than you can imagine.
At least, uni life is just all about assignments and grades,
but in working,
communications, responsibilities, relationships... etc.
make me sick.
Not that I want to run away from responsibilities or what,
it's just that working in the real world is really different than what we used to imagine.
Yea... in short, I am even confused and lost than ever before.
Is all this what I really want for the rest of my life?
I always know that the real world is cruel and blablabla...
but this? Is way so far from my imagination,
or maybe, I'm not ready to face the real world out there.

Given a wrong evaluation form to my supervisors.
Haiz...
What a careless me.
I've always know that this is my weakness,
but you know what?
My weakness truly shows in my intern.
Forgetful, careless, panic...
I hate that feeling.
I am not expecting flying colours for the intern,
just not too bad to bring down my CGPA.
Honestly,
I will not have a real good grade if I were evaluating myself too.
I'm not doing my best,
and not trying my best sometimes.
Yea... how sad.
In fact, I really not interested to the job I did as what I thought.
Maybe because that was not I was imagine,
or maybe too many things that are not related to the studies we did.
So, most of the things I do is not theoretical enough that I can write in the report.
How sad.
And also a difficulty for me to write the final report.

Memorizing... which I am also weak at.
Too bad.
That is a media criteria,
which proves that I don't have the criteria,
and I am lost.
So lost.

Till then pals.

明明累了,为何还要勉强?

2008-08-17T16:09:00.003+08:00

说的是我这几天的心情。
明明在公司做工作的很累，
却假装没事。
天晓得我多怕数字，
多讨厌数字，
多不擅长数字。
算了吧！
反正两个星期后，
就要离开了。

***************
对你的一切忍无可忍了。
态度、心态、甚至那不屑的表情。
你又回来了。
曾经的改变算什么？
天晓得那时我鼓起了多大的勇气告诉你？
结果也只是变了一阵子，
现在什么都回来了！
你不反省，
很难要求别人会体谅你。
说过一次的话，
我不会再说第二次，
我也不可能永远待在你身边提醒你，
该反省、该改变的，
你要自己去想。
不要要求大家都迁就你、忍耐你。
到大家都忍无可忍的时候，
不要怪我当初没提醒。
只是，你没把我们的提醒当一回事。

别人对你好是因为他们当你是朋友。
但请别把这当成理所当然。
这世上，没那么多的理所当然。
别人也只是不想把场面搞僵，
所以对你百般依顺。
这不是理所当然！
对你好是因为你是朋友，
但你也得顾及别人的感受！
不是只有你才会心情不好、身体不舒服。。。
大家都会！
为什么你要秀出你的扑克牌脸？
大家心情不好、或很累时却只是静静的？
大家求得也只是开心、快乐！
你却每次搞到大家很尴尬。

不是我们每次很低级，
只是开心嘛。。。
出来就要开心，
而不是不屑那些冷笑话。

虽然我曾经也像你一样，
有什么事都写在脸上。
（虽然现在有时也会）
我也明白，
你只是忠于做自己。
但我们大家都是。
这每一部分都是我们原本的个性。
若每天都要装那也是很累的，
所以你可不可以也迁就我们，
让我们当一下子得自己？
不要泼冷水？

有时我也在想，
对你，
我是不是太苛刻了？
就像以前别人对我那样。
你给了大家很大的压力。。。
或许，或许，
是我再找你麻烦。
若你这么觉得，
我跟你道歉。

不否认你对朋友都很好，
这是你的优点，
是我这神经粗的人无法达到的。
你的细心我看得到。
但若再能改变你一点的态度，
会更好。
只是，这些话，
我无法、也不想再对你说第二遍。

过了一段时间，
我们都会离开彼此，
过着截然不同的生活。
那时你就会知道，
自己有多么渺小，
现实会让你改变的。

我永远祝福你。

Welcome back!!

2008-07-28T21:03:00.002+08:00

Sorry bloggie,
I didn't update you such a long long time.
Life was busy still...
and also tiring too...
Nothing much changed.
But the weird part is,
the more normal life I have,
(I mean, sleep before 12am, and wake up at 7.30am)
the more easy I get sick.
So far have headache, flu and gastric.
Erm... I don't understand why,
but this is freaking weird.

Why is so many people's name called Rachel.
I did a embarrassing call today.
And I meant to call RZ (aka Rachel),
but I called my company's Business Manager Rachel!!!
And talk for a quite long time...
This is so~~~~ embarrassing.
My God!!!
Please forget it ASAP.
Haiz...

Oh, welcome back
Couz Lynn and Couz Yenn.
Yea yea yea,
I know it was like a month ago,
but still...
WELCOME BACK!!!

Till then, people.

Life without entertainment

2008-06-27T22:43:00.002+08:00

I understand.
Why entertainment is important?
I finally know why is it so~ important.
It's a way to release stress,
and also to draw out from work and all the kiaugh.

I have been sick for 3 days,
and on leave for one and a half day,
all I wanted to do is rest.
The headache has been back for 1 week.
And if I'm not mistaken,
after entering uni,
I did not suffer headache as much/long like now.
I don't know why,
maybe it is a way to evade the stress or work or what.
It really do torture me.
But still I refuse to eat any panadol.

I like the environment,
but some people really can't get along.
There are less than 20 people in our office,
but still there are human relation problem.
The problem is,
they can't avoid talking or meeting,
because of the work.
I really feel that I'm lucky that I'm still studying,
I don't have to talk to those people I don't like,
and not even seeing them is ok.
How am I going to survive after graduate?

Recently I was thinking about my future,
I'm not that kind
who-willing-to stay-in-an-office-for-the-rest-of my-life
type of people,
but I am also not that kind of staying-up-late-to finish-my-work
type of people.
Anyhow,
this is life,
I have to choose either one which I don't like to choose.

Friends.
Is really an important peoples in life.
I can't imagine go on with my life without them.
Talking about friends,
I admit that I'm an incompetent friend.
Sorry for that.
I don't have the mood to listen when I am thinking,
writing or what.
And I'm sorry that I show "It's enough" "It's none of my business" or what on my face.
But things not only bother you,
but single of us.
Everyone have their difficulties,
I'm willing to listen,
but please don't over do it.
I am sorry if I show that face.

An article of raping recall my nasty memory.
I hate that.
But it keeps playing in my mind.
I know I have to forget it,
but it just doesn't go away.
The insecurity,
the anger,
and my stupidity.
What's going on with me?
I am supposed to forget about it,
and go on with my life.
I need to forget it.
Please let me forget it.
The feeling, the smell,
and the memory.
I'm just trying to go on with my life.

I am trying not to be so sentimental.
Please...
I just need to rest.

回想不堪往事

2008-06-27T00:17:00.002+08:00

明明忘了。
却又因一篇报道，
想起了。
比起那女孩，
我的，
并不是什么大事，
只是很讨厌那感觉，
那又气，有恶心的往事。
该忘了。
是该忘了，
也想忘了。
但却忘不了。
它已被刻在心中了。
尽管朋友安慰，
还是心有余悸。
是该忘了。
真的该忘了。
不要再让我想起。
想忘了。

Am so busy...

2008-06-19T15:51:00.002+08:00

Sorry to say that again,

but this is so unussual for everyday-blogger

to blog for twice a week,

or even once a week.

This is very abnormal,

I really feel bad.

But my time does not allow me to blog everyday nowadays.

Haiz...

Super sien.

There's been a fickle week.

From learning simple things,

doing "sap sui" job,

to learning lots of things,

and writing a script for live programme.

Huh?

Yeah... that was my first reaction too.

"What? I have to write it?"

Yeah... that's right,

I have to write it,

although it will be ammend after passing up,

but still I spent whole day writing 3 scripts.

And ta-da,

am here now blogging.

Haha.

I have no time for futher details of my working life.

So...

Chao~

荒唐

2008-06-16T01:06:00.001+08:00

夜深了,
但, 眼睛却合不上,
人生啊!
到底要用多少时间才可以了解?

在此刻,
只觉得很累。

到底有什么好累？
我也不知道。

难道长大了，
就该这么累，
就该活得那么荒唐？
一大堆有的没的。

谁会为谁而活？
到底，
自己还是自己。
一个人过，
一个人，
就是一个人，
没啥谁为谁。

人还是为了自己而活。

Working life

2008-06-13T16:29:00.002+08:00

It has been a long time I did not blog.

Me busy working.

Wahaha.

Honestly,

I love the job,

although it is tiring,

and I finally understand why working adults like to hangout weekends.

Because weekdays they are busy with work!

From 9 a.m. to 6 p.m.

when you reach home it's already 7.30p.m.,

after a dinner, bath.

It's already time to sleep.

This is boring, right?

I don't like this kind of life,

but after graduate I have to spend the rest of my life working.

This is so~ not me.

I like my uni life,

which I can yamcha till late night,

I can skip my class just to "cheong K",

I can sleep till afternoon,

I can go shopping in weekdays, so I don't have to pack with people,

which I can play around and fool around.

I just love to be a student,

and love freedom so~ much.

I can't imagine that my future I have to stuck in a office for 9 hours,

and on bus for 3 hours,

and left a short night for myself and my friends.

This is so not me anymore.

Although I love my job now,

I really feel tired working whole day,

and I feel that I'm so childish in this office.

Everyone is older than me,

they are mature and steady.

And I'm idiotically childish,

and a fool that like to hop around.

Although these make me seems friendly,

do I really have to do these to be friendly?

Hmm...

I just don't understand.

Adults... what a word,

it's just a burden for me.

I just want to fly~

like a bird.

Sorry for not updating this blog recently.

Till then,

chao~

Started my intern

2008-06-03T22:02:00.002+08:00

The 1st day was quite scary,
as I haven get used to the environment and the people.
But my senior is very friendly,
and willing to teach.
I'm happy to be there,
the only thing is...
I don't like phone calls,
I am always panic picking up the calls,
and don't know who I can look for,
or who they want to look for.
Plus, I'm really bad in remembering numbers,
so till now (2nd day) I still can't remember the extension numbers.
Haha.
Still, thanks to my seniors,
whom are really friendly,
and understand my situation.
Hehe.
Nothing much to do in the 1st day,
just taking time to fit in there,
and do some basic job.
Oh, did I mention I am in the Media and Business Department.
Although I am interested in Media planning and buying,
but I really don't have a clue.
Hehe...
It's really a big world out there.
Things I did yesterday:
(1) Create Power Point template: I actually not sure how to create, but still succeed ^^
(2) Newspaper cutting: cutting ads for the client
(3) PICKING UP PHONE CALLS! : horrible~
(4) Sat in on a meeting: It's quite boring, but I learned something. Thanks for the chance.

Ok, today.
Still the same, still trying to get used to the environment,
but I feel more relaxed compare to yesterday.
And not that scared of picking up the calls,
but still not very good in transferring the calls.
Hehe.
Had lunch with the colleague today,
whom from different departments.
It was quite fun,
but still felt that there's a gap.
Maybe the thinking,
and maybe the age (HAHA!).
And being invite to the COMPANY TRIP.
To A' Famosa.
Hehe.
Well, that's a chance to get close to them,
so I did not reject,
just wondering do I have to pay?
I'm poor now...
Anyway, working in a small company
have quite a amount of advantages,
which I know everyone in the 1st day,
and recognize everyone the 2nd day.
And able to get along with them shortly.
And it feels cozy there.
^^
Just feel that I'm lucky enough to work there.
Well, today I learned the realistic kind of media calculation,
which we learned some basic in Year 2,
and did a presentation slide,
lastly did the filing for the booking order.

Till now everything is still in control.
^^

I believe that this is a long post.
Hehe,
sorry if it is too boring.

Oh, I have to think what to wear for the next day,
this is quite bothering me.
Well the MD said casual but no sport shoes,
but I saw lots of them wearing it.
Hehe, weird.

OK, that's all.
Keep praying for me. ^^

Boyish~

2008-06-01T17:07:00.002+08:00

Cut my hair this afternoon.
Trying a new hair stylist in KimMarie.
And I turn out to look boyish.
I doesn't expect this short,
but there will always an accident.
Right?

Well, this is the shortest I can accept.
In fact,
I'll always look good in short hair.
Wahaha.
Just kidding.
Somehow,
I'm a bit regretting cutting this hair,
because I look like a boy,
or maybe a bi or homo.
Gosh,
can't believe I'm saying this,
I'm not trying to discriminate them,
just LOOK ALIKE.
And will there be any miss understanding,
when I walk out?
Haha.

Ok,
I have to be more feminine since
I cut this hairstyle.

Do a lil shopping...

2008-05-30T21:48:00.005+08:00

Due to the fact that I'm going to have my internship,

I have to buy a pair of shoes,
and some clothes.
And also to practice taking bus from my place
to the working place.
So, me and RZ went to take bus,
and do some shopping in One Utama.
I bought a knit top,
that I longed for a very long time,
and now it is on 50% sales.
Yeah~
Haha.

And we went to Pasta Zanmai to have a late lunch,
this was my second visit there,
and I like there.
The price is slightly higher than the normal restaurant,
but it is fulfilling.
^^
We dated Eve for dinner at the Curve.
On the way there,
I was involved in an accident.
A motorcyclist was in the opposite way of an one-way road,
so I didn't notice the left hand side of mine,
then BANG!
I fell down, the motorcyclist ride away quickly.
Damn, since when he is in front of me?
Haiz...
What I can say is that I'm so unlucky.
It is pain,
and I have not been fell face down for more than 4 years.
What kind of person is that,
breaking rules,
and ran so quickly.
Thanks to RZ and Eve,
helping me to disinfect my wound.
And bad YX laughing out loud,
when I called him to tell him about the incident.
Anyways,
it feel weird and unlucky for me,
as I'm starting a new sem,
and need courages to face my internship.

Now, for the pictures.

Can see those blue-blacks?
Haiz...

Till then~

Results released!

2008-05-30T02:37:00.002+08:00

Got two A-, two B+ and a C+.
Thank god.
This is better than I expected.
Really appreciate.
I improved 0.06 for my CGPA.
I know it's just a little bit,
but thank god,
I able to maintained in 2nd upper.
So for better,
I have to be good in the internship.
^^
And it will be start on the coming Monday,
I'm nervous,
but excited about it.
Because it's the time that we apply what we have learned
the passed 2 years.

People,
wish me luck.
^^
Love ya~
Bye.

I've been tagged by Gureisu

2008-05-27T12:58:00.003+08:00

1. What disappoints you the most?
I couldn't achieve what I should and wanted to do for a long long time.

2. Where will you go if someone sponsors you a tour ticket?
Venice, Italy.
It's just a very good place to go.
Heard that it will be sinking in few years,
hope that my sponsor appear in a short time.
^.~*

3. What's your favorite thing to do?
Hang out with friends,
for the best is to go singing.
Haha.

4. Do you think money can buy happiness?
No, never.

5. If you can have one dream to come true, what would it be?
Seems like it is not going to come true.

6. Do you believe you can survive without money?
Yea~
if I have credit card instead.

7. What are you afraid to lose the most?
Family and close friends.

8. If you win $1 million, what would you do?
USD or RM?
It makes a big different ler...
Anyway,
save, donate, spend it on family and friends, and a trip to Europe.

9. What have you learn recently?
Learn to forgive and being alone.
On the other hand,
some vocal technique and conducting.

10. Give a reason why you want to die ?
Stress, what else?

11. What makes you happy?
For now? It's money. I'm too broke.
Enough sleeping time, shopping, yamcha,
pat gua, joking and all...

12. What have you wished most recently?
World peace? At least have lesser natural disaster.

13. What is your ambition?
To earn a lot of money but I have my time to accompany family and friends.
A specific job? I don't have.
I'm not even sure if I'm in a right field.

14. If you could have a superpower, what would it be?
Control the mind of people,
and make them good.

15. What do you think is the most important thing in your life?
Love.
It's the most important thing in the world.

16. What do you do when you're alone?
Day dreaming, watching drama/movie, online, sleeping, eating snacks.

17. If you have a chance, which part of your character would you like to change?
My impetuousness, low self-esteem, and so on...
But, it do make me who I am now...

18. Give comment on the person who tagged u.
Fashionable, generous, and kind.

19. What is your least favourite animal?
Those are crawling.
Including lizard.
That's why I don't like people call me "cicak".

20. What is your ultimate addiction?
Shopping,
that's what girls like to do,
right?

2008-05-27T12:50:00.002+08:00

What Jocelyn Lim Chee Chia Means

You are fair, honest, and logical. You are a natural leader, and people respect you.

You never give up, and you will succeed... even if it takes you a hundred tries.

You are rational enough to see every part of a problem. You are great at giving other people advice.

You are well rounded, with a complete perspective on life.

You are solid and dependable. You are loyal, and people can count on you.

At times, you can be a bit too serious. You tend to put too much pressure on yourself.

You are very open. You communicate well, and you connect with other people easily.

You are a naturally creative person. Ideas just flow from your mind.

A true chameleon, you are many things at different points in your life. You are very adaptable.

You are friendly, charming, and warm. You get along with almost everyone.

You work hard not to rock the boat. Your easy going attitude brings people together.

At times, you can be a little flaky and irresponsible. But for the important things, you pull it together.

You are relaxed, chill, and very likely to go with the flow.

You are light hearted and accepting. You don't get worked up easily.

Well adjusted and incredibly happy, many people wonder what your secret to life is.

You are a free spirit, and you resent anyone who tries to fence you in.

You are unpredictable, adventurous, and always a little surprising.

You may miss out by not settling down, but you're too busy having fun to care.

You are very intuitive and wise. You understand the world better than most people.

You also have a very active imagination. You often get carried away with your thoughts.

You are prone to a little paranoia and jealousy. You sometimes go overboard in interpreting signals.

You tend to be pretty tightly wound. It's easy to get you excited... which can be a good or bad thing.

You have a lot of enthusiasm, but it fades rather quickly. You don't stick with any one thing for very long.

You have the drive to accomplish a lot in a short amount of time. Your biggest problem is making sure you finish the projects you start.

You are confident, self assured, and capable. You are not easily intimidated.

You master any and all skills easily. You don't have to work hard for what you want.

You make your life out to be exactly how you want it. And you'll knock down anyone who gets in your way!

You are truly an original person. You have amazing ideas, and the power to carry them out.

Success comes rather easily for you... especially in business and academia.

Some people find you to be selfish and a bit overbearing. You're a strong person.

You are usually the best at everything ... you strive for perfection.

You are confident, authoritative, and aggressive.

You have the classic "Type A" personality.

What's Your Name's Hidden Meaning?

I'm not sure if it's true...
Why don't yall tell me?
Hmm....
Still thinking...
Yes? No?

Had a long breakfast today,
really full...
Ate Mee Suah, Bah Kut Teh,
and Sharkfin soup.
Nice~
And had cherry from US as dessert.
Yummy~
Went to Kapar with dad, and his friends.
Wahaha!!!

What I'm doing these 3 days

2008-05-25T23:20:00.003+08:00

Assisting a choral workshop.

Organized by my dad and his best friend.
They invited a conductor, Butch, from the Philippines,
teach and help the choir group that register for the workshop.
I actually assist my dad,
doing the running-errands job,
and help the sopranos when having the sectional rehearsal.
So,
it was really tiring,
especially continuous 3 days.
But I really had great times,
since I did not sing after finished my high school.
I really learned a lot from the conductor.
When he conducts,
it's really beautiful...
I can't really explain how I feel into words.
He is humorous, cute, funny,
and knowledgeable.
He is great,
and my days are great too.

Me and Mr. Butch

Ok,
that's all.

Ciao~

Late post for 22nd May

2008-05-24T19:24:00.003+08:00

Went GreenBox in Klang with
some high school mates.
It has been a long time we didn't gather,
it was fun to see them,
after all high school was still a time that we precious,
and it's a time that is naive and simple.
I like my high school life than my uni life,
Ok, I don't have much freedom during high school,
but I like the friends more during that time,
at least everyone is true and simple.

Weird pose of mine

Burberry "The Beat"

2008-05-17T18:35:00.002+08:00

I really want to buy this.
I like it so so so much!!!
I like that scent.
But I'm so broke now.
I guess I'll spent my first salary here.
300+ bucks.
I know, I know,
it's expensive,
but it's Eau de Parfume,
it's long lasting,
and I like the smell.
Yea~