There's a sudden thought

Not very sudden actually.

Recently I was thinking after my degree,
I shall start working.

There are certain reasons:

1. I don't think I have the ability to take master,
at least for now.
Master is hard, and I don't have mental preparation yet.
My friends suffer a lot, only in local-u,
can't imagine how will all that be aboard.

2. For the industry, certs only a "ticket" for promotion.
I shall start my master when I'm stable enough and
wanting a promotion.

3. Seldom company "dare" to employ a master holder
without experience.
How will they determine the salary?
They don't even know your ability yet.

4. My parents seems like couldn't afford me
to study aboard.
They are getting older,
I have a sister just enter uni,
can they support me to study in the States?
(States is my goal)

I know that this is serious,
but I've mention it with my parents,
they seems supportive,
but I don't know how they think actually.

I longed for studying aboard my whole life,
but now I really don't have the confident,
maybe even I apply for a uni,
they do not want me though.
I have only a so-so CGPA,
I really don't have the ability to handle these,
really.

What do you think people?
Yes or no?


What I think?
I shall see.
After the internship.

Good luck to those having finals.
All the best.

Somewhere over the rainbow

One of the best I've heard before.
Haa~

Name: Hwang Young Min
English Name: Tim
Place of Birth: Philadelphia
Birthday: December 23, 1981
Education: Temple University, Philadelphia
Blood Type: A
Height: 185cm (6"1ft)
Hobby: Basketball and Games
Other talents: SINGING!!!! Alto saxophone, drums, keyboard

Tim is a k pop singer known for his ballads, great vocal and musical abilities and clean-cut looks; he is also known for being one of the few korean american in the industry.

taken from wikipedia.

*I copied from somewhere* Tee-hee-hee

Moodlees

Mood less to everything...
My study, my life, and everything.
It turns out that everything is such a boring thing.

I have to force myself studying,
to make sure that my CGPA can be maintained,
which I'm so not confident.

I have to force myself eating instant noodles everyday,
because I'm only allowed to spend less than five bucks a day,
I don't want to be a mummy when I'm dead.
But I have no choice,
it's either instant noodle or starving to death.

I have to force myself to act like nothing happened,
while I actually mind of being the one that is always initiative.
This is forgetting or being smart?
So be it!

I have to force myself not to care that the line is damn slow,
because there's some f*cking idiot keep downloading things in the house,
which cause not a web page able to be opened,
and that stupidity person still think no one knows.

Go ahead someone,
please take a knife and just cut of my head!!!!
I'll appreciate.
Forcing myself to do so many things is tiring.
I don't like.
I just want to say so.

ME DON'T LIKE.

OK?
Me don't like.
F*ck!
My life sucks!!!!

Happy Birthday Mom!!!

I'm so sorry that I can't celebrate with you there,
since I have my finals.
Thank you for being there for me,
and always support my decision.
LOVE YA~~~

Finally two subjects are over,
and I finally have time to breath,
these few days are torturing.
It is all about study.
Even worst that,
I'm so broke that I left coins to use.
You might ask why don't I take from parents,
well, I just don't know how to explain
my expenditure to my parents,
this is just a bad recycle,
that I spent to much the past few months,
and now,
nil~
my pocket, bank accounts.
Haiz...
Such a crap,
I just don't understand why I'm such a big spender.
I actually thinking working part time,
but my schedule is so weird,
which make everything impossible.

Tian ar!!!!
Can you drop some money?
Drop some in front of me?
Please~~

Erm... 1st subject tmr...

People, fighting!!!
These few days are hard.
I don't even have mood to study,
although the textbooks and notes are on my desk,
still nothing goes in.
*Big sigh*
This is going to be bad,
really bad,
as this semester's subject ain't easy.
Hope everything will be better after the first subject.
At least today I did study for 2 and a half hours.
Later will continue study,
hope everything going well soon.
I know it's late to start study now,
but at least I tried.

All the best people,
and to me too.

BTW,
I am canceling "friends" link,
cause someone is masquerading my couz, Lynn.
What a world.
Wth going with the world.

是谁转头离开?
是谁撒手不管?
是谁不理不睬?
是谁停止聆听?
是谁放弃沟通?
是谁开始埋怨?
是谁不愿谅解?
是谁不想包容?

是我们的幼稚、不谅解让我们走上今天，
像剪刀一样伤了别人，
同时也伤了自己。
只有时间能带走存在在我们之间的伤。

或许我们都太在意，
所以事情越来越复杂。
一直一直的在彼此伤害，
一直一直执著着谁对谁错。。。
把以前都忘了，
忘得一干二净了。

我们曾一起的快乐悲伤，
现在只能是回忆。
我们之间的裂痕，
只能让时间慢慢的修补，
直到哪天我们为对方制造的伤渐渐结了疤，
或许我们可以微笑面对，
在哪相遇也能微笑点头。

毕竟，
我们曾是对方生命中的一个不大也不小的过客。

Days back in Klang

It was relaxing.
But thinking about many things.
I realize that my life is very messy,
abnormal bed time,
abnormal wake up time,
abnormal meal time,
and abnormal everything.
I'm such a disappointing child.
(Or maybe adult)
I worried my parents
because of my daily routine.
Wake up late,
sleep late,
and yet keep watching TV.
But the TV thing is only happened in Klang,
as you know I don't have TV here,
still,
I have abnormal daily routine.
OK,
this is half my fault,
another half is all caused by me.
I wanted to sleep and wake up late.
Sorry mom and dad.
I hope I can adjust back,
it's just that it is quite difficult,
as final is coming,
so,
I have to go on with this kind of routine
till the end of the semester.
Sorry again.

I realize that my parents get old,
suddenly,
or maybe not suddenly,
it's just that I did not realize earlier.
Sigh...
And they are lonely,
without me and my sister at home,
they really bored.
Haiz...
Don't know what to say,
but I really feel guilty.
Of not being at home.

Maybe C'est la vie

Might be...
In one's life there's a lot of things
you might regret of,
but,
when one's thinking had changed,
there's no turning back.
Maybe your friend is not your friend anymore,
maybe you are not you anymore.
I don't know,
I just don't know how to handle all these things anymore.
Or might be said I don't want to handle and tolerate anymore.
Thinking is different,
opinion is different,
they way we do things is different,
different clique,
different world.
I don't mean to be harsh or what,
but this is life,
things change,
things come around and go around,
everyone is living their life,
the life they wanted.
Regret or not?
I don't know.
Or maybe to say there is no chance for regretting.
Things come and go,
once thing changes that is a point of no return.
Time come and passes.
No changes allowed.
Since when things came to this?
Well, I don't know,
maybe from the day that we met,
maybe since my opinion is not important to you,
maybe from the day I'm just a passerby,
maybe from the day that we told each other the honest thinking.
I don't know what bring us to this.

Maybe we are not even in the same world anymore.
Am I regretting?
Ya.
Who doesn't have things to regret of?
But C'est la vie.
I can't force myself to tolerate,
with something that I don't agree,
don't like.
I understand that toleration is needed,
but it's too over.
I'm not being moody,
but time changes a lot of things,
the expectation is different,
thinking is different,
ways of doing thing is different.
And this is the critical part of democracy,
the minority have to obey the majority.
The only way is to keep my mouth shut.
Don't give opinion.
Never ever again,
there is no use of arguing.
This is the reason I estranged.
Helpless inside and not being noticed.
I know,
I'm not useful,
I'm not making things happened,
I'm not everything that you think.
I'm just a person who need respect,
appreciation and dignity.

Life is hard,
but it is harder to be the minority.
I clearly know that kind of feeling.

I had done mistakes,
being offensive,
I apologize.
I'm just a person that is very useless,
and have no clue in everything,
not giving cooperation,
and not doing anything.

And I apologize for not staying
in the same old clique anymore.
Sorry.

Final is coming again

Time flew fast,
another semester is going to end,
after the FINAL.
This sem is being tough for me,
and the others.
This sem I have too many theoretical subject,
which killing me fast.
Haiz...
The final starts 2 weeks later,
but I'm just free start from today,
I'm going to die,
I'm going to die!
2 textbook,
few pile of notes,
when am I able to finish all that?
May be next sem?
Crap crap crap!!!

I'm really scared.
REALLY!
I'm not good in memorizing things,
so,
I believe that I barely memorize all the theories,
and the time is so short some more!
I'm in study mood,
ya I am,
for the very first time,
it started so early,
but sometimes the environment
just won't let you,
because of the house mates.
Not that I want to mention,
but sometimes,
they just annoyed me,
and even ignoring that.
That they on their speaker very loud.
I do not expect a really quiet environment,
but at least not too noisy,
but now they are noisy,
and annoying.
Sorry to say that,
but it's a truth.
The only place I can study is
McDonald.
Which only suitable to study there at night.
So how about day?
I DON'T know,
where am I going to study?
Someone please tell me.
I'm already regretting that
I did not set my table in the room.
Haiz...
Too late,
the room is full of things now,
I don't even have a private place.

C'est la vie.
Always with troubles.
*Sigh*


I'll pray.
And pray for YX for getting his McCann.

Went for Philharmonic performance yesterday afternoon

After year of 6 or 7,
finally I have the opportunity to go for a concert in Petronas again.
It's only a short performance today
which cost RM10.
I like the 1st performance,
which is the piano, bassoon, and clarinet ensembles.
I like that pianist,
he plays great!
There are "interlude" during the performance,
the clarinetist's hand got stuck on the clarinet,
at first I thought it was some drama thingy,
it is the first time I saw someone stuck on their instrument,
kind of weird.
Haha.
But they are great.
For the second and the third performance,
is the duet of the violin and viola,
and the quartet of the strings.
Erm...
may be because they are in the same family,
it is actually a bit boring compare to the 1st one,
yet it is still great.
Really feel good after the chamber concert.
A relax and highly enjoyed Sunday.

Planning of going another concert this coming Sunday.
*wink*

无题

总觉得自己的前途是渺茫的,
也没什么原因的。
就是自己能力不足、没天分、不知道自己要啥。
更糟的是，这学期我根本是混过去的，
很用力的在原地挣扎，
却没有变得更好，
反而越来越惨，越来越累，越来越无助，
身边不是没朋友分担心事，
而是，大家都自身难保。
真得越来越不清楚自己要些什么？
需要什么？
只觉得活得很苦，
快喘不了气了。
能做的，只是装开心，
装傻，装没事。
像在骗人，也像在骗自己。
醒了睡，睡了醒，醒了装，装了又睡。
就这样过生活。
还可以过多久？
大考快到啦，

再撑一撑，

再撑一撑吧！

Do you know this hearsay? Part 2: There ARE things "suayer"

There really are something more dramatic happened!
Ok,
This morning,
when I was still sleeping,
YX suddenly ran into my room,
and shout loudly:
"Chee Chia!!!! Wo de bag you huai liao!!!!
zhen de hen suay ler!!!
wo dou mei bag yong liao!!!!"
(My bag spoilt again!!! So suay!!! I don't even left a bag!!!)
Ok,
this is only the start,
he is sick some more!!!
Are all these just coincidence or really get into bad luck?

Hah!
Yesterday,
we went McD and did our assignment there,
but you know what scary happened?
There is a lady that have mental illness
talking to the air!
And we believe that she can see "friends".
This is not yet scary enough,
she talking facing us,
is there any "friends" behind us or what?
And I really feel cold from my bottom of my heart.
Haiz...

Is this the "21 effect"?
Even me,
I have been vomiting and suffering diarrhea
since yesterday.
I am now half DEAD!
BTW,
I got a number 20 added bus ticket today.
Does this mean I'm close to it?
Sigh...

Fragrance used today: Minyak cap kapak
Pet phrase today: Crap, shit, ma de.


Ciao...